On Friday night Ramsey and I got into a fight. I was really upset that he picked me up 15 minutes late from work, because we missed our movie. The tradition is that every Friday night, Ramsey picks me up from work and we go to the dollar theater. Most of the time I just take the student car home but on the weekends, he picks me up so we can see a movie because the theater is really close to my work. Well, the story began when he picked me up 20 minutes late last Friday and so we missed the movie we wanted to see. I had told him, "Can you be on time next time?" Of course, he promised. Yeah, well Ramsey is notorious for being late. I don't think I've accepted this yet at this point of my life. Well to keep a long fight short, he got very hurt because I told him he ruined my evening. Yes, I know, I can be very dramatic. It took another 20 minutes to make up. By the time we were ok, we go to the theater and the only movie showing at the time was "P.S. I love you." It sounded like a chick flick, so I wasn't initially interested but come on Gerard Butler, Mr. Hottie pants is in it, so I guess I didn't mind seeing it. (Not to mention Harry Connick Jr plays a role.)
The movie really touched me. I felt like God had planned this. He wanted me to see this movie so that's why it was the only one available. I cried during the whole movie. I felt the movie was made for me. The movie started out with Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler's characters getting into a fight over the stupidest reason and everything Hillary Swank's character (Holly) said sounded like something I would say. I could see how ridiculous it all sounded from the outside perspective. I could also see all the cute little things Gerard Butler's character did and said to make her not so mad at him. After this initial scene I was hooked.
Then Gerard Butler's character dies from a brain tumor. Before he goes he writes letters so that she would have one to open every day. He also does some other amazing things to surprise her. But really hit home was the amount of grief that Holly experiences. For the rest of the movie, Holly is in complete and utter grief. She would constantly have moments of panic or moments of memory flashed of things she said that she wished she hadn't. She would have memories of how they met which was beautiful and reminded me a lot of how Ramsey and I were when we first met.
The truth of the matter is I am constantly worrying about Ramsey dying. It's really an obsessive thought for that matter. I really need to get a psychologist or something because I am constantly thinking about it and sobbing. Ramsey has to remind me he is still right there next to me. I am a blubbering fool. When Ramsey had problems with his gastrointestinal, his doctor said he could die at any moment. That phrase had haunted me for the longest time. But I get in moods where I would think about Ramsey's death and what I would do with my life afterward. Would I sell everything we shared together? Would I remarry? I think I would move to another country and try to get a way from everything that would remind me of him. That's not very healthy I know. But now you know my secret.
Well when I watching the movie, most of all Holly's reaction was how I envisioned I would react. Her mother criticizes the fact Holly can't move on. The message of the movie is focused on "moving on" and valuing what you have. Holly keeps thinking about how she was never happy. She wanted a new bigger apartment and a better job etc. After her husband passed away, she was able to see how lucky she truly was and how none of that stuff should have mattered.
This made me really revaluate my life. I find myself being Holly sometimes. I really wish I had a house. I really wish I could go on vacation. So much stuff that doesn't even matter. Ramsey is here with me now. And that is really the only thing that matters right now. Ramsey is the most amazing loving man. On Valentine's Day, he stuck poems he wrote while I was at work all around the apartment. I will have to post some soon. Ramsey has the sweetest testimony and spirit of love. He is constantly looking out for me. I need him and he needs me.
It's amazing that a movie from Hollywood was so wonderfully inspiring and brought such a good message. It seriously has changed my perspective. Interesting, that I couldn't realize this before. I think it took all of the uncanny similarities between these two characters to show me what happens when what's really important is taken away.
Value what you have.