10 October 2010

10/10/10 & 3 reflections

I really wanted to do something exciting on this day. But alas, it was a Sunday and that limits things. We did have the Spanish teacher over for dinner and showed off our new renovations to our apartment aka the wood floor, mocha painted walls, and burgundy accent wall. (A summer project Ramsey and I worked on to make our apartment look less like a prison cell).

So, the only way I know how to celebrate this day to is tell you my feelings. Yay for feelings time.

Reflection #1) I had a dream

In my dream, I was walking down the hall and I heard my husband and his friend Isamu talking about me in the bathroom. Isamu was asking Ramsey how his marriage was going. Ramsey said, "Well she's great. I love her so much, but sometimes she really can be negative and puts me in low spirits." I keep trying to place my ear closer to the crack of the door, and my mother walks by and says, "What are you doing?" really loudly and I had to shush her. And then I heard them opening the door handle and I had to make a run for it.

When I awoke, I thought, "why would Ramsey feel that way?" (even though it's just a dream). I started reflecting on my life. I've been thinking about in what ways I've been negative. Sometimes we see ourselves in a better light, then we really are. Then I remembered just the other day I was really upset at Ramsey for something so stupid. My boss gave Ramsey some important school documents and I saw her hand it to him. When we needed it today, I reminded him that she had handed them to him and he denied that was the case. We argued back and forth and he kept saying I was making stuff up which made me more upset.

Finally I went through all his notebooks in his backpack and found the documents and waved it in his face. And then I proceeded to take the opportunity to remind him that I'm right 98% of the time and in the future it would save us both time if he would simply accept that fact. Yikes.

Oops. Ok, that wasn't very nice. And while I felt like justice was served, this was 100% negativity. Marriage isn't a competition. It is a cooperation. This dream has inspired me to remind myself of that fact. Because I like to start with attainable goals, I will start with getting through a month without saying one negative thing to my husband. Good luck to me!

Reflection #2 I never want to get fat again!

I like my life right now. I feel energetic, light, quick, and sexy. Besides exercising and eating right, I continue to motivate myself by reading and listening to motivational material. I just finished the book on cd: "I Can Make You Thin" by Paul Mckenna. He is known as a hypnotist, but I'm totally ok with hypnotism as long I am giving up my free will to hear messages motivating me to stay healthy, instead of giving up my free will to be evil and so on.
But, that's only part of his program. The other part is advice. The advice I remember the most is:

Enjoy each bite of your food. Chew it 15-20 times and put your fork down (or in my case, my chopsticks) between each bite. At first it was annoying but it totally helps you realize when you get full sooner.

Don't make any food forbidden. They did an experiment with toddlers in the 1930s where they gave kids choices of the most unhealthy stuff to the most healthy stuff for a month. Just one massive buffet for 30 days. When people assumed they would swarm icecream and candy, all the children in the study picked from a variety of foods without any previous discussion, and they ended up all picking a balanced diet. When we deny a certain food, we start getting obsessed around a certain food.

Leave something on your plate. From childhood, we're told to finish the plate or we are a bad person and disobedient. Somehow that has carried through with us to adulthood and is hurting us psychologically. Leave something in the plate. That shows the brain that it's ok that we don't finish. Even it's just one pea. It's a powerful message to the brain.
And there's a whole section on emotional eating...but I don't want to dedicate this whole entry to this.
I have to say though his exercise section was really great and really motivated me to think of exercise as a pleasurable thing instead of a chore.


Reflection #3: Believe in myself and my goals

I used to tell people what they wanted to hear. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up etc. I went to the college that people expected of me, (don't get me wrong, I freakin love BYU), and a lot of times I made decisions that perhaps weren't true to myself.

Some people tell me my dreams are silly and I'm not going to point out any names. A few people didn't believe I would move to China when I mentioned this dream in 2005. But, while it took me a while to make it over here, I did in 2009. Same as my current dreams. I have a dream to go to one international destination a year for the next 10 years. Many may think I can't do it. But I will. I'm really tired of the pressure from society that imply my dreams are impracticable. I can design my life to be whatever I want it to be. There is a lot of hardwork, but it's what makes me happy.

5 comments:

  1. This is a great post. I especially like the goal to not say anything negative to your husband... I should do that too. I almost always give in to the temptation to rub it in when I've been proven right, because I feel that Marat has a hard time conceptualizing that he is sometimes fallible... hehhe. But you're right, marriage is NOT a competition!
    As for being skinny, being almost eight months pregnant doesn't really lend myself to any "quick, happy, light, sexy" feelings... but I am so darn excited to meet this baby, and on a much more shallow level, to be LOSING weight for once instead of constantly gaining it. woohoo =P
    this is probably more than enough for a comment... keep living your dreams, of course you can make them happen! Isn't everything you are Ramsey are living right now the absolute proof of that?

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  2. And some people didn't want you to move out of Utah.

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  3. Great thoughts, Ness! I love your diet tips. I finally lost all my weight and have been happy, but not eating so great anymore. I'm really surprised I haven't put it back on, but I'm going to try and chew more slowly, and keep to smaller portions so I don't have to diet again!

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  4. Thank you most for thought #3!!! A few years ago I read "The Last Lecture" and the author talked about living your childhood dreams, and never squashing somebody else's dreams. It struck a chord with me. Never tell somebody never or have doubt in them. I'm in admiration of you that you just simply live your dreams. Thank you for not being talk and being brave enough to live your dreams!!!!

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  5. @Becca: You make pregnancy look good! haha

    @Kev: Yeah that was the hardest part, leaving you!!!!

    @Val: You shouldn't gain much more weight. I had a problem with my knee again where the disc jumped out and so had to stop exercising for a while, but I didn't gain more weight because I had built up lots of muscle which constantly burns fat. So focus on strength training and getting those muscles to burn your fat when you don't have time to exercise.

    @Courtney: Once in a while I do have silly ideas like that one time I got the German exchange student (of hell) but Ramsey always seems to monitor my crazy ideas and recently the good ones have been prevailing lately. =)

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